Part 105: Chapter the Third: Dragons Down Under.

Chapter the Fourth: Dragons Down Under.
October 20, 2020-November 25, 2020

The schedule is doing us no favors, we play Everton away on Sunday the 25th and have our trip up north to Newcastle for the League Cup on the 27th. Then we play Manchester United to finish off the week on Saturday. Newcastle is the game I most want to win, and the one we're most likely to win, but I wouldn't promise a victory in any of those matches. Also, Man U have beaten us every time we've played going back to my first season with the club in 2015, when they stomped us in the Third Round of the FA Cup.



We'll have been on TV three times in the last four games. The general population of viewers don't have much reason to think highly of us, we won just two of twelve televised games last season, but we've already won three this time around and seem to be getting chosen more often.

At Everton, October 25, 2020
Premier League


Another tough away game, another occasion I break out the 4-4-1-1. Everton is going to be a major challenger for a Europa League spot, they came within bare inches of clawing their way into the Champion's League last season before a late slump saw them finish four points back.

Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Counter
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong, Todd, Richards, Nieddu, Mair, Djurovic, Mujkic, Shirra, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Dos Santos, Feruga, Morvan, Petts, Matko, Di Martino.

I try to write up informative and interesting game reports, but there's nothing to say about this game. There isn't a single clear cut chance for either team, and there were only five shots on target between both of them! We don't play badly, and a draw shouldn't be begrudged in an away game against a good team, but it's the type of game that makes people say that soccer is boring. It's our first draw of the year, over the last 14 months we've had only six of those out of more than fifty matches.




Everton 0-0 Wrexham



Even more reason to favor Aarts over the loaner. Di Martino has started three games and been subbed into three more with nothing to show for it.

At Newcastle United, October 27, 2020
Capital One Cup, Fourth Round


I want a win from this match, the board wants me to get to the quarterfinals at a bare minimum. We've got a lot of squad rotation as guys like Mujkic and Shirra are less than 90% for this match. That should still be to see off Newcastle, but I'm a bit concerned. They're in first place and are looking like locks to get back to the Premier League, and I remain amazed that they went down in the first place.

Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Diamond Attack
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Lewis, Todd (c), Dos Santos, Morvan, Matko, Mejasic, Petts, Aarts, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Richards, Feruga, Mair, Bailey, Nieddu, Di Martino.

Newcastle catches us napping at the whistle, and after seventeen seconds we're down a goal. We spend the next sixty minutes repeatedly giving Newcastle chances to hit us on the break. That finally changes as we enter the last fifteen minutes, but our flurry fails to land a clean blow and even up the match. We're knocked out of the Capital One Cup by a lower league side for the second year in a row, and already one of our paths to Europe closes.

Man of the Match: Stewart Lewis




Newcastle 1-0 Wrexham



The only reason I won't send him away is because we need a third striker for when we play a 4-4-2, but he's not covering himself with glory so far.



Crud. Jansen was doing great with AZ until this injury. This will set back his development a lot, and he will probably spend next year on loan as well.

vs. Manchester United, October 31, 2020
Premier League


Manchester United has lost one game this year, against Everton. We drew against Everton, so by the Transitive Property of Sports theorem we should be able to get a result against them. I'm not confident about that proving true given how we fared against Newcastle. A draw will be our best result ever against Manchester United.

Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Counter
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Feruga, Todd, Mejasic, Djurovic, Mair, Petts, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Richards, Lewis, Morvan, Nieddu, Matko, Aarts.

Tonci Cirjak needs consoling after he's in the perfect position to clear a throw-in from our area but whiffs and watches it continue to a wide open United striker in front of the net. Kovacevic is able to deflect the first point blank shot, but United's other forward is right there to volley the rebound past him. It's 10 minutes into the game and things are going as expected.

Three minutes later Djurovic passes into open space ten yards from the near post for Bastable, who beats his man to the ball and lofts a cross over the heads of the United defenders to a late arriving Mujkic. Meteor fires the cross in on the volley, and the United keeper has no chance to stop it. Mateo's not done yet, when we earn a free kick from the middle third of the field he launches a Roberto Carlos-esque free kick that bends just under the crossbar at the far post, a beautiful free kick goal that puts us on top. The players stay focused, preventing Manchester United from getting easy chances and the theorem proves true. We've had a lot of great wins over my run with the club, but this might top all of them.

Man of the Match: Meteor Motherfunkin' Mujkic




Wrexham 2-1 Man United



Never doubted it. You calling me a liar?



Someone put money on the Southampton manager for the Sack Race. I mean, I know from experience that Sky Shadowing is a patient and wonderful club president but even he has his limits.



Maybe we've been thinking all wrong about Shirra's nickname. Maybe instead of a play on his name we need an epithet. Like “Man-killing Hector” or “Swift-footed Achilles.”



The loss to lowly Wrexham keeps AU-Moyes from winning yet another Manager of the Month award. That makes me almost as happy as if I had won the award myself.



The funds showed up in the form of 100 pound notes in a black duffel bag waiting in my office one morning. A note was attached, saying “For make benefit of glorious Football Club Wrexham.”



Back to untouchable! The fans are right about the Bastard, though. Even with his key assist in the last game he's been off his game.




Gotta get rid of Tosh, Sky Shadowing. He's not that good a comedian, and an even worse coach. Putting him under more pressure couldn't hurt, especially as this match will be played up in the media as Sky Shadowing's new club faces off against his old one.

vs. Southampton, November 7, 2020
Premier League


We'll be besties regardless of the outcome, right Sky? Unless we lose, in which case I will be really angry at dropping points to the 19th position team.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong (c), Todd, Mejasic, Mair, Djurovic, Nieddu, Shirra, Mujkic, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Richards, Feruga, Morvan, Petts, Matko, Aarts.

I played this game through once, and won 1-0. The scoreline makes the game look closer than it was, we allowed them just one long range shot all match. Then I had to return to it for a reason that became apparent.

We won the replay 2-0 despite playing much, much worse than the first time around, and could have been held to a draw if Kovacevic hadn't been at his best. We were indecisive in the first half, but our quality showed in the second, and on a bright note I can report that Dmitri Nieddu has found his scoring touch again after seven goalless games.

Man of the Match: Vid Kovacevic




Wrexham 2-0 Southampton



The first time around I had mocked Tosh's ineptitude as his squad had come out listless and played like they always expected to lose. This time I'm more conciliatory, they did give us a real fight in the first half and Kovacevic won man of the match because of the saves they forced him to make.

Outside the Horse and Jockey
The witching hour, November 9, 2020

(MUJKIC and BASTABLE are passing a brown bag between them on the deserted street while waiting for their ride home.)

: OZZIE! OZZIE! OZZIE!

: OI! OI! OI!

(An UNMARKED VAN pulls up to the curb, the door rolling open)

: About time, mate.

(Four BURLY NE'ERDOWELLS leap from the van and quickly hustle both players into the back)

: What's your problem, you bogans! The cops only came by once to tell us to quiet down while we waited!

: Err...

(Across the van sits an IMPOSING FIGURE, that they recognize. He is most definitely not one of the volunteers who operates the late night designated driver program.)

: Gentlemen... It is time... For the AFF SUZUKI CUP!



The Racecourse Grounds
The next morning, November 9, 2020

(COACH is addressing the morning meeting of players)

: No one has seen Mujkic or Bastable?

: No. It's weird, they're usually the first ones here.

(The ASS MAN bursts through the door, waving a piece of paper)

: Coach, we just got this fax. You need to see this.

: I can't believe it. He actually did it... Team dismissed. No practice or meetings the next four days. Bailey, Shirra, Todd, stick around. Operation: Rescuers Down Under just began.

Customs and Immigration at Perth Airport
Late afternoon, November 10

(The WREXHAM players and COACH are waiting in line for entry into Australia)

: This is never going to work.

: Of course it's going to work. Just act like you have nothing to hide. But don't look like you're acting like you have nothing to hide.

: (Moaning) How do we do that?

: (Exasperated) I don't know! Just... walk casual. Hang on, I got one last thing to do.

(COACH puts on a HAT and CROC SKIN JACKET before approaching the immigration agent)

: Good arvo!

: Welcome back, mate! Passport, please?



: Wait, I recognize you.

: That's right! I'm the new manager of the Socceroos!



Big Bell Hotel, Lake Austin
The next morning

(The WREXHAM players and COACH pull up to the gates of the GHOST TOWN where ELLIOT stands awaiting them, ELLIOT speaks as they exit the vehicles.)

: I heard the news. You've replaced me? Impossible. Just walk away and I'll give you your freedom.

: (Perplexedly) Freedom?

: I won't call the authorities and tell them that you're in country on false documents.

: Oh, good point.

: But only one manager determines when and where the Australians play internationally! You and all the other managers employing them can only weep and beg mercy, for I am the Ayatollah of Screw-you-ovah!

(A tumbleweed blows across the ground between the two men as they stare each other down)

A Small Hut
15 minutes later

(BASTABLE and MUJKIC sit on their cots, staring at the locked door)

: I hate this, Mat.

: Yeh. I love playing for our country, but this is crazy.

: Why do we need to be around for games against East Timor?

: And why did Coach Elliot kidnap us?!

(Suddenly the door bursts open, with a SHORT FIGURE framed in the light flooding through the doorway)

: A little short for a stormtrooper, aren't you?

: What? Oh, the light... I'm here with Coach, we're taking you back to Wales!

: But what about Coach Elliot?

: Coach challenged him to a battle of wits. He's out cold right now. Let's go!

: Wait, there's so many other players from other teams locked up here! We have to free them first.

The Racecourse Grounds
Morning, November 13, 2020

(TODD is talking with COACH)

: So his piece of toast were poisoned with vegemite the whole time?

: No, I poisoned both of them.

: Then how...?

: I've spent the last few years building up an immunity to vegemite.




You'd have thought they'd realize something was up when my assumed name was Pau Hogan and not Paul Hogan due to a typo. But now at least all the top division players are back with their teams. The Australian team is manned by players who deserve a B-team callup.



As quickly as he arrived on the world scene he was gone. No one could even tell you where he came from.



Mejasic is unimpressed with Mujkic's mild PTSD since the kidnapping. I'm not sure why their personalities don't mesh, it could be that Mujkic is too ambitious or not aggressive enough for Mejasic.



I'm starting to think that Daniel Matko is Croatian for Anthony Walsh. That's not fair to Matko, he's not that fragile, but I'm glad that we have both Nieddu and Djurovic to cover the right flank.




“Great” facilities are a 14 of 20. I believe Superb begins at 16, Excellent at 18, and Top at 20.



With the facilities newly improved, I'm reminded about the other board requests that I need to fulfill.



Election's comin'! I'm going to do it a bit differently this time. Instead of running the contest now, I'll hold a new election if AJ_Impy loses. So if one pops up in an update or so, you know that his reign was short.



Shirra should be shortlisted. He's having a slight sophmore slump, but he won the second most prestigious award in England with the writer's award last year at the age of 20.



Wales! Wales! Wales! I want to bring Davies to Wrexham for a few seasons before the end of his career.



The higher your league position, the more often you get on TV. We're in fifth place, hence a lot of coverage. Manchester United has been on TV for all but one of their league matches this season, that's an additional 7.9m pounds of income already on top of the base 42m pounds every team gets. We're scheduled for six televised matches in our first twelve games, after having just nine last year. If that pace stays constant, we'll earn more than £16.6m in additional TV revenue.

This is one reason why even megabastards without sugar daddies stay megabastards. Not only does Arsenal get £20m more in TV revenue than Crystal Palace, but then you have to add in the additional money from the Champion's League, higher match day revenue from a better stadium and ticket prices, the difference in prize money for where they finished on the table, and Arsenal's much higher endorsement and merchandise sales. Hence Arsenal can run with a huge payroll and buy some of the best players even if they're having a down year.



We've gone from having two reserve centerbacks who might be ready for a first team position next year to zero. Thanks, injuries.

At Reading, November 22, 2020
Premier League


The Swansea/Cardiff derby is later in the day, so we should have a good idea which of them could challenge us for the Cwp. There's been no sign of Pete Elliot trying to kidnap any of the players we freed, so I'm starting to breathe easier about Mujkic or Bastable being called up over the next month.

Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Diamond Attack
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Boumsong (c), Todd, Mejasic, Mair, Djurovic, Mujkic, Shirra, Aarts, Bastable.
Subs: Novotny, Feruga, Lewis, Morvan, Nieddu, Petts, Di Martino.

Reading look dangerous from the start, and score at 25 and 34 minutes. Both goals came when Mejasic gets abused, I have to pull him and his 4.6 rating at the half. We're not any better after the break, our defense continues to get filleted while our offense seems to have forgotten which color their teammates were when passing the ball, and we concede a third goal in the 63rd minute. Mujkic finally pulls one back shortly thereafter, but while our play in the final third of the game is much improved we can't get a goal, much less the two we'd need to salvage the match.




Reading 3-1 Wrexham



He was awful. He knows it. This wouldn't have happened if you'd been paying attention to what Mujkic was trying to teach you.



That's the third coach to get sacked this month. The turnover among football managers is something that shows how poorly many of these clubs are run, they do themselves no favors in churning through so many managers who each bring different preferences and styles to their new job. Just look at Liverpool:



That's 7 head coaches in 8 seasons. Not saying you should just accept relegation if a different head coach could save you, but geez. At least give someone a full season to see how they work out. Liverpool fired the guys who got them to the Champion's League after 18 months and 13 months respectively. It's unrealistic, too. This is the same ownership group that gave Bobby Valentine a full season at the helm of the Red Sox, despite taking a championship contender and finishing dead last with the team's worst record in 47 years. They're going to give someone who finishes third in the Premier League more than four months into the next season.



Take a hike, you Monegasques! Bastable is not feeling it recently, he's ice cold over the last nine games, but I'm sure he's going to put it together again and he's going to be wearing our jersey when he does.



Also, it's not like Di Martino or Aarts has made a compelling case to replace him, the latter has one goal in four matches while the former has yet to get on the stats sheet.



Our other Australian, on the other hand, is putting the memory of his underwhelming Premier League debut behind him. He's got nine goals and four assists through fourteen games, and he nigh singlehandedly beat Manchester United.



It's hard to complain about a series of matches that's seen the team move up to fifth on the table while knocking off mighty Manchester United. But getting eliminated from the League Cup hurts, and our defeat at Reading was a bad loss where we looked like a League Two side for the first hour before salvaging some respectability. We're favorites in three of the next four games, so come the holidays we will hopefully still be very much in the conversation for the top four, and well positioned to get ourselves a place in at least the Europa League. Also, we won't be missing our two best players due to an insane exhibitionist in a metal hockey mask.



(NB: This table was taken before the Reading game, but our position and points total remains the same)